[Skeeter]

As you can tell, I've been working at summer camp for the past couple weeks. I'll be heading back up tomorrow, but I thought I'd post a song I've been working on for the past couple weeks.

Conversational Alibis

I'm practicing my good-byes
And making up good lies to tell the next time I see you
Conversational alibis
And plenty of awkward silences when we both miss our cue

[pre-chorus]
I'm the perfect role model
For handling a broken heart
I can't afford to be fragile
Still sucking on a broken bottle
Perfecting the art
Of not being a hassle

[chorus]
I'll admit it hurts when I stop breathing
I'm still alive while my heart is beating
And I won't have it any other way
(repeat)

We'll pretend to just be friends
While we both descend into our selfish points-of-view
Conversations will end
With awkward pretensions of something else to do

[pre-chorus]
[chorus]

[bridge]
Sometimes I wish I didn't hate you
Sometimes I wish I could
It will take some time before I can face you
But I guess it's understood
That the times we had were something special
Nothing wasted, nothing wasted
Everything happens for a reason
Nothing wasted, nothing wasted

[pre-chorus]
[chorus]

[SupaNova]

Originally Posted by Skeeter

I'm practicing my good-byes
And making up good lies to tell the next time I see you
Conversational alibis
And plenty of awkward silences when we both miss our cue

I like these lines. I like them a lot, actually.

I'm the perfect role model
For handling a broken heart
I can't afford to be fragile
Still sucking on a broken bottle
Perfecting the art
Of not being a hassle

The rhyme scheme is pretty interesting here, it kind of bounces around from line to line as far as I can tell.

I'll admit it hurts when I stop breathing
I'm still alive while my heart is beating
And I won't have it any other way

Nice chorus, though my Dashboard sense is tingling some.

We'll pretend to just be friends
While we both descend into our selfish points-of-view
Conversations will end
With awkward pretensions of something else to do

I'm not a big fan of this verse. It lacks the lyrical punch that the rest of the song has had up to this point.

Sometimes I wish I didn't hate you
Sometimes I wish I could
It will take some time before I can face you
But I guess it's understood
That the times we had were something special
Nothing wasted, nothing wasted
Everything happens for a reason
Nothing wasted, nothing wasted

The "hate you/face you" rhyme makes me cringe a little, but everything else is fine.

Pretty cool song overall, keep up the great writing man.

[Skeeter]

Originally Posted by SupaNova

I like these lines. I like them a lot, actually.

Definitely my favorite lines from this song. Thanks.

The rhyme scheme is pretty interesting here, it kind of bounces around from line to line as far as I can tell.

It's a half-hearted attempt at abaaba, though it's more like abcabd...it works when sung though.

Nice chorus, though my Dashboard sense is tingling some.

Dashboard sense! Tingling! Yeah, I hear you. This chorus was the genesis of the song and it works as a punchy pop-punk style chorus, so I'm happy with it. Still, it does have that Carabba-ish tinge to it.

I'm not a big fan of this verse. It lacks the lyrical punch that the rest of the song has had up to this point.

True. But I think I exhausted my make-up-original-punchy-lines-while-continuing-the-extensive-internal-rhyming well and I'm not sure I could re-write them with decent results.

The "hate you/face you" rhyme makes me cringe a little, but everything else is fine.

It makes me cringe too. But I was stuck. Not sure if I can change it at this point.

Pretty cool song overall, keep up the great writing man.

Thank you, your compliments and critique are always appreciated.

[Skeeter]

Anyone else with any comments and/or critique?