I need some serious advice. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so weird bringing this up before total strangers, but I've been lurking for a while, and people here really seem to give good advice.

Here is the thing, I'm a woman, a christian, I am 20 years old, and I'm married. I have been married for a little over a year now. We used to have a great relationship, and then things started to go downhill.

The marriage is only part of the issue here...and I think the major issue with my marriage is the problem I want to address here.

I have been having an ever increasing problem with excessive, violent rage. I always knew I had a temper, but I controllable one. I had a few times in high school that I threw a few cd cases against the wall, just to shatter them because it made me feel better...but nothing too major.

Lately, the littlest things set me off so bad. Especially things that my husband says to me. For instance, tonight, he told me that he really wanted to stay in and relax instead of going out on a date. I completely flipped out. I screamed and yelled, and swore, and said horrible things. As soon as the fit is over, I relax, and I feel bad. But at the time the feeling is so overwhelming I can hardly bare it.

My words are not the only thing that is violent. I have been throwing things a lot lately, and I have even kicked a hole in a wall. I have never hit my husband, but I came close last night, and I hate myself for it.

My rage comes out all the time. I got a call from my father in law asking my husband to do something for him, (which he does ALL the time) I became so irate after I got off the phone with him that I threw a marker...so ridiculous. I get upset in traffic, I find myself (as a christian of 14 years) flipping people off, and feeling so angry about it.

I just feel so lost. I feel that my marriage is falling apart, I feel that my words must be so painful for him, but I just feel such apathy towards him when I do it. But then a little while later, I will feel such love towards him. It's so weird. I'm just so confused. I also feel so afraid that I am becoming violent, and that I might hurt him, or someone else...(ie road rage)

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[ChrisHarbison]

Well, first of all, I understand. I have a pretty quick temper myself. But you simply cannot take things out on your husband like this. Its not healthy and the last thing you want to do is run him off.

Second of all, no matter how upset you get, the final choice of how you react to a situation is yours. I know its hard, but you have the choice to get upset or not.

Lastly, once you finish reading this, get up, go straight to your husband, tell him how sorry you are and how much you love him. Then pick up the phone, call your pastor, and schedule a meeting with him to sit down and discuss this. This is a serious problem. The fact that you're honest enough to admit it is a good first step.

[Simo]

it sounds like a pretty terrible situation that your in.

I thnik firstly you need to see a christian counsellor/ pastor and get them to help you deal with your anger.

Secondly, go see a christian marrige counsellor/ pastor with your husband, even if you feel your problems don't come from this area, its still a good idea.

Lastly, the most important thing is that you have addmitted this is a problem of yours. That is really good that you have come out and said it. I suggest you sit down with your husband and admit your problem to him (he has probably already noticed it) and ask for his help and forgiveness.

[Dustin88]

rage gets the best of all of us sometimes a three days ago i became mad and punched a hole in my wall

[ChrisHarbison]

I know this isn't a parenting issue, but considering that the majority of posters here are long time marrieds with kids, I figured the audience would be best qualified to answer this.

Originally Posted by ChrisHarbison

I'm not sure if you're still lurking about, but I'm going to move this to a thread that'll hopefully get you some better advice than what I can give.

[Role Modlin]

Admitting that you have a problem is the first step in finding a solution. You have done that. I agree that you should go to those you've lashed out against and apologize. Make them aware that you have a problem and let them help you as well. I also agree that you should seek a Christian who has been trained to deal with these sorts of things. Some pastors have degrees in counseling to go along with their theology. If yours doesn't, seek out a therapist. Don't be too embarrassed to seek help.

[HolyRockJfreak]

Originally Posted by ChrisHarbison

Well, first of all, I understand. I have a pretty quick temper myself. But you simply cannot take things out on your husband like this. Its not healthy and the last thing you want to do is run him off.

Second of all, no matter how upset you get, the final choice of how you react to a situation is yours. I know its hard, but you have the choice to get upset or not.

Lastly, once you finish reading this, get up, go straight to your husband, tell him how sorry you are and how much you love him. Then pick up the phone, call your pastor, and schedule a meeting with him to sit down and discuss this. This is a serious problem. The fact that you're honest enough to admit it is a good first step.

Great Explanation!! I would definitely call your pastor and apologize to your husband. I would also pray about it and read the Bible esp in Corinthians about love. Remember you have a second chance to make this up and just don't let the little things bother and Just Take it to God because he's on your side. God Bless!