[timio]

Courtesy of www.pakin.org/complaint

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I am writing on behalf of myself and a few of my friends to state that The_Man's theories are worthy of a good flush down the toilet. Let's start with my claim that today, we might have let The_Man dress up his profit motive in the cloak of selfless altruism. Tomorrow, we won't. Instead, we will lead the way to the future, not to the past. You might have heard the story that he once agreed to help us debunk the nonsense spouted by his peons. No one has located the document in which The_Man said that. No one has identified when or where The_Man said that. That's because he never said it. As you might have suspected, perhaps one day we will live in a world where good people are not troubled by fear of socially inept, contemptuous nutcases. Until that day arrives, however, we must spread the word that The_Man insists that totalitarianism can quell the hatred and disorder in our society. This fraud, this lie, is just one among the thousands he perpetrates. Every time The_Man utters or writes a statement that supports vandalism -- even indirectly -- it sends a message that The_Man is a paragon of morality and wisdom. I contend we mustn't let him make such statements, partly because he considers "honesty" to be a dirty word, but primarily because if he truly believes that he is as innocent as a newborn lamb, then maybe he should enroll in Introduction to Reality 101. The space remaining in this letter will not suffice even to enumerate the ways in which he has tried to tear down all theoretical frameworks for addressing the issue.

The law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior. My next point of order is that The_Man insists that newspapers should report only on items he agrees with. Sorry, The_Man, but, with apologies to Gershwin, "it ain't necessarily so." I don't know whether or not you've ever been physically present at a public demonstration by his bedfellows, but let me tell you, they're pretty insane. He enjoys pondering new ways to let wretched, cynical porn stars run rampant through the streets. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: How homicidal can he be? A clue might be that it has been brought to my attention that he is penny wise and pound foolish. While this is unquestionably true, you don't have to say anything specifically about him for him to start attacking you. All you have to do is dare to imply that we should promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad.

The_Man's holier-than-thou attitudes are a perfect example of overgeneralization and blatant ethnocentrism, and that's one reason why I'm writing this letter. The_Man's lies come in many forms. Some of his lies are in the form of dissertations. Others are in the form of morals. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion.

I must part company with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why the psychotic aspect of The_Man's jeremiads will create a stir between caustic punks and the politically incorrect public at large. My peers maintain that negativism was founded on a world system of enslavement and land theft. While this is definitely true, I believe we must add that The_Man says that society is supposed to be lenient towards treasonous troublemakers. But then he turns around and says that damnable primates are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. You know, you can't have it both ways, The_Man. If you ever ask him to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. Just look at the bill of fare served up in recent movies and television programs, and you will hardly be able to deny that ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. The_Man would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being mendacious. "What's that?", I hear you ask. "Is it true that you don't need to look far to see that aside from a few exceptions, this statement is certainly valid?" Why, yes, it is.

Even if one isn't completely conversant with current events, the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that if he continues to devise brain-damaged scams to get money for nothing, I will unequivocally be obliged to do something about him. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. The_Man's underlings aver that "those who disagree with The_Man should be cast into the outer darkness, should be shunned, should starve." First off, that's a lousy sentence. If they had written that the world would be a much better place to live if The_Man just stopped trying to suppress people's instinct and intellect, then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, he finds reality too difficult to swallow. Or maybe it just gets lost between the sports and entertainment pages. In either case, no one likes being attacked by tyrannical malcontents. Even worse, The_Man exploits our fear of those attacks -- which he claims will evolve sooner than you think into biological, chemical, or nuclear attacks -- as a pretext to bask in the disingenuous shine of pessimism. If you think that's scary, then you should remember that The_Man plans to twist the history, sociology, and anthropology disseminated by our mass media and in our children's textbooks. He has instructed his shock troops not to discuss this or even admit to his plan's existence. Obviously, The_Man knows he has something to hide. The_Man is like a magician who produces a dove in one hand, while the other hand is busy trying to make people weak and dependent. His weltanschauung is that people are pawns to be used and manipulated. Now take that to the next level: He is incapable of handling an adult emotion or a universal concept without first reducing it to something morally repugnant, grotesque, prurient, and probably slatternly. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that, so let me assure you that at no time in the past did patronizing apostates shamble through the streets of cities, demanding rights they imagine some supernatural power has bestowed upon them.

At the risk of shocking you further, I shall point out that I can surely suggest how The_Man ought to behave. Ultimately, however, the burden of acting with moral rectitude lies with The_Man himself. For those of you who don't know, it's easy enough to hate him any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that he is up to, things that ought to make a real The_Man-hater out of you. First off, if everyone does his own, small part, together we can lift our nation from the quicksand of injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. The most incoherent pickpockets I've ever seen don't really want me to speak out against behavior and speech that is intended to diminish society's inducements to good behavior, although, of course, they all have to pay lip service to the idea. How dare The_Man create a Frankenstein's monster? We all need to be aware of each other's existence as intelligent, feeling, human beings, even if some of us are beer-guzzling, fatuitous dopeheads. If I try really, really hard, I can almost see why he would want to legitimate irresponsibility, laziness, and infidelity.

Let's look at the facts. First, The_Man accepts -- or, at least, feels obligated to pretend to accept -- the ideological premises of egotism. Second, facts and their accuracy make a story, not the overdramatization of whatever The_Man dreams up. And finally, The_Man may have access to weapons of mass destruction. Then again, I consider him to be a weapon of mass destruction himself.

He maintains that either we can change the truth if we don't like it the way it is or that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. The_Man denies any other possibility. I repeat: He is entirely domineering. We all are, to some extent, but The_Man sets the curve. Considering that his legates hew closer to the party line -- to The_Man's established body of cant -- than do most other impetuous adulterers, I offer that if you've never seen The_Man vilify our history, character, values, and traditions, you're either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself. I guess that my take on this is that if you intend to challenge someone's assertions, you need to present a counterargument. He provides none.

I've received a smattering of mail from people who want to know the real story behind The_Man's logorrheic positions, so here it is: I frequently wish to tell The_Man that his publications reflect an era in which cultures or attitudes different from one's own were dealt with through violence and mistrust. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue. The little I've written so far already buttresses the assertion that his encomiasts must be exposed and neutralized wherever they lurk. And that's where we are right now.

We find among narrow and uneducated minds the belief that he is omnipotent. This belief is due to a basic confusion, which can be cleared up simply by stating that it's The_Man's belief that my letters demonstrate a desire to worsen an already unstable situation. I can't understand how anyone could go from anything I ever wrote to such a disdainful idea. In fact, my letters generally make the diametrically opposite claim, that if a cogent, logical argument entered The_Man's brain, no doubt a concussion would result. We have already fallen into The_Man's trap. The sooner he comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. It takes more than a mass of vapid, intransigent brigands to bring strength to our families, power to our nation, and health to our cities. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to build a sane and healthy society free of The_Man's destructive influences. The_Man is willing to promote truth and justice when it's convenient. But when it threatens his creature comforts, The_Man throws principle to the wind. Even though I seethe with anger whenever I think about his illaudable beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments), this does not negate the fact that he has gotten away with so much for so long that he's lost all sense of caution, all sense of limits. If you think about it, only a man without any sense of limits could desire to peddle the snake oil of irritating vigilantism. As a parting thought, remember that most of The_Man's recommendations are slanted in the same ideological fashion, with large amounts of emotional exaggeration and general ignorance.

[Nate]

CAP'N TIMIO?!?! Is that really you?!

[timio]

Unless someone stole my password, then it must be me... unless someone did steal my password. I'll get those waskidaly widdle wabbits.