[WintryFrenchie]

“Adam’s First Treatise of Civil Blogging:
An Expose on Inter-Web Journals”

Introductione

The civil blogger considers himself above all things. He knows that, while other people may exist, they are not of his primary concern. He knows that, if other “people” do visit his blog, it is to find out what he has to say- thus he is “numero uno” on the “popular list”. This fact begs the question: is the blogger self-deceived? The question may very well never be answered. First, let us examine four primary examples that give us plenty of reason to doubt any solid or conclusive answer to the above question. Second, we will spend a little time on various ways to deal with those who exemplify rejections of human logic and subsequently try to tell you anything different than I have or will say.

Of the Firste

First, we will examine the (former?) blogger named Daniel. Daniel will exemplify for us the first class of blogger that I have entitled, “The Groupie”.

Daniel posts about himself often. He posts about what is going on in his life and how it affects him (though he does post random things at random intervals). He has a devoted fan-base that attempt to communicate with Daniel. Daniel is also conceited- he thinks that everyone who visits his blog is there to hear about him. He is also correct, thus putting him in the first class of blogger… “The Groupie”.

Second, we have the “Exhibit A…” class. This class is nowhere as evident than in the blogger, “Adam” (as he calls himself).

Adam does not post about himself often. He posts about random things that may pop into his head that he is otherwise unable to control (though he does post about his life sometimes). He has a semi-devoted fan base that visits his blog merely to say, “Look mommy! Look at the freak!” Adam is also conceited, and refers to himself in the third person- he thinks that everyone visits his blog to hear about him. He is also partially correct- people visit his blog to make certain that someone could really, truly be so random and chaotic. The reason why this class is called “Exhibit A…” is because, theoretically, if you were to pull up multiple screens of multiple “Exhibit A”s, then it would be somewhat like a zoo. You would doubtless call all your friends into the room, pick one of the screens and say, “this is Exhibit A…” pull up the next screen and say, “this is Exhibit B…” and so on. These, of course, are all indications that Adam is an “Exhibit A…”

Third, we have the “Disestablishmentarian” class. This class is fully exemplified by The Creature known by many names. Some call it “Insane Drummer”, some call it “Inane Drummer”, and those closest to it call it, “Jason”. Those that are really close to it call it, “Sexy”.

Jason never posts about himself… ever. In fact, in the extreme cases of Disestablishmentarians, we would find that the only reason that they have a blog is because they are coerced into it… usually for nefarious purposes. The Disestablishmentarian has no fan-base whatsoever, excepting those who are masochists. The only reason that anyone would visit Jason’s blog is to torture, ridicule or maim him. This brings me to my next point: productive and enjoyable past-times. Ridiculing a Disestablishmentarian is one of the most heartfelt and enjoyable of all the past-times, including tyranny (a close second). Jason is also conceited and fully characterizes that class which is truly self-deceived. The reason why this class is called “Disestablishmentarian” is because people of this caliber generally break all the rules of any organized system, including physics. You need to be wary of the Disestablishmentarian because they are usually prone to random outbursts that may cause pain, suffering or outright hilarity. Be cautious in approaching someone like Jason- leave the Jason handling to the professionals.

And lastly, we have the fourth class, normally called the “Unmentionables”. Why unmentionable? Well, the reasons are many, but none of them are worth mentioning. This common breed of blogger can be found in cases throughout the World Wide Web. Most notably, the one they call, “H.M. Murdock”, “the other Jason” or if you are close to him, “Honey-bun”.

Jason Smith hardly ever posts… about himself or anything else. Instead, he is content to let his adoring fan-base fight amongst themselves. While Class Three may be called masochists, Group Four may be called sadists. Jason and his clones take some sick pleasure in watching other people pine for him… and subsequently deny them the pleasure of hearing from him. Every other blogger who does not fit in categories one or two may be successfully dumped into either: category three or category four, depending on the characteristics of the individual. Jason Smith is also conceited, for what reason is yet to be determined- it would probably be not worth mentioning anyway.

The common thread between these four bloggers is that they are all conceited. Whether or not they are self-deceived is up to individual decision. This bring me to the conclusion of this section… that I have successfully led you back to the introduction and have never actually said anything; meaning that you just wasted your day reading this. Ah… the joys of philosophy!

Of the Seconde Paragraphe

What shall we do with those who dare oppose me? Depending on which category the individual falls under; the following steps should be taken:

Class 1: Stone them. As these people do not normally enjoy pain, this is the most effective means of rebuke. I should mention that small, well-rounded stones would suffice, but for the true heathen that falls under Class 1, large stones are preferred.
Class 2: As this class is one of the worst, the slow and painful deaths are best for their kind. Starvation comes to mind, as does Barney re-runs.
Class 3: As you can never tell what the pain tolerance level with a Class 3 blogger is, it is normally best to deprive these monkeys of their bananas. Sticking them in a cage of hungry lions is also a wise step.
Class 4: As this can be the worst class, drastic measures are needed. For the Jason Smith, whale time might be needed. With barbs. For those of you who do not know how to administer whale time… I envy you. If all else fails, administer sedatives to this class of blogger and take him out back and shoot him. It’s for the best, really.

[jjones]

im sure its funny but i dont want to read all that

[Sunkist]

Originally Posted by WintryFrenchie

nefarious

This is one of my favorite words, just so you know.

[bobthecockroach]

Wait... are you talking about me? I post in my blog about as often as the sun goes 'round the moon. (Which, according to very reliable sources does "sometimes" happen.)

[Insane Drummer]

Truly this brought up odd ads...

[Galatia]

So...if I have a blog, I am conceited. If I do not wish to make a blog (because people who have blogs are conceited) I am conceited because I want people to realize that I have no blog, therefore am not conceited, therefore am worthy of praise (which makes me even more conceited).

Philosophy would scare me, if I didn't think so highly of myself.

[WintryFrenchie]

Originally Posted by Insane Drummer

Truly this brought up odd ads...