Windchime (RC)

Small · 04-21-2005, 03:16 PM

I finished this not long ago, and I've not been writing my best of late, but anyway, all false or real modesty and nervousness aside, go for it.

Windchime

Verse 1:
Normal nature is no longer obsolete;
The grass in the park is once again turning green,
And my feet unbidden find the path,
And from the cold path find the grass,
That was overthrown by the rabble of sticks and tired leaves,
Casualties from winter’s colorful battle with the trees,
The sky rimmed by the branches is as white as the concrete,
That composes the wide driveways beside the street,
I can see them from here but they seem so far away,
They seem so far away.

Chorus:
The winter is almost past and the wind-chime,
Is singing a song for the world in springtime,
Ringing out sweetly each pale note,
Of a haunted song the wind wrote,
A song of present melancholy and future hope,

Verse 2:
The grass has grown two mowings worth,
And cheerful birds are chattering cacophonic mirth,
A choir of the kind that spring will make,
For its own self-indulgent delinquent sake,
But the cool wind won’t stop blowing just for their singing,
And so the lonely wind chime will not stop ringing,
It rings though the birds and cars are twice as loud,
In a small silvery way it seems proud,
To be heard above that noise,

Chorus:
The winter is almost past and the wind-chime,
Is singing a song for the world in springtime,
Ringing out sweetly each pale note,
Of a haunted song the wind wrote,
A song of present melancholy and future hope,

Verse 3:
In the fall when so million colors adorned all the trees,
And the winter came singing on a western breeze,
The voice of the wind-chime was never stilled,
But our ears and hearts were muffled and chilled,
It sang a fierce song of hope that we didn’t hear,
But for a distant remembrance in sunless grey ears,
All the yellow joy of summer passed beyond hope of recall,
We grew claustrophobically trapped by walls,
And waited for spring,

Bridge/Outro:
In spring when the sky bleeds out tears for a rebirth,
And the sun shines warm over a frozen iron earth,
Or all birdsong is drowned out in the cannons of the sky,
The wind chime sends out a song the wind wrote,
Of present melancholy,
But future hope

**Mara** · 04-21-2005, 03:19 PM

I like it a lot. Wind chimes are cool. It's very good

sabertooth181 · 04-22-2005, 09:48 PM

small, i hope you never quit writing. you are very good.

**SupaNova** · 04-25-2005, 12:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Small

I finished this not long ago, and I've not been writing my best of late, but anyway, all false or real modesty and nervousness aside, go for it.

::begins to crack knuckles::

Quote:

Verse 1:
Normal nature is no longer obsolete;
The grass in the park is once again turning green,
And my feet unbidden find the path,
And from the cold path find the grass,
That was overthrown by the rabble of sticks and tired leaves,
Casualties from winter’s colorful battle with the trees,
The sky rimmed by the branches is as white as the concrete,
That composes the wide driveways beside the street,
I can see them from here but they seem so far away,
They seem so far away.

This is an awesome set-up for the rest of the song, way to paint a vivid picture of your setting.

Quote:

Chorus:
The winter is almost past and the wind-chime,
Is singing a song for the world in springtime,
Ringing out sweetly each pale note,
Of a haunted song the wind wrote,
A song of present melancholy and future hope,

Nice chorus, nothing to complain about here either.

Quote:

Verse 2:
The grass has grown two mowings worth,
And cheerful birds are chattering cacophonic mirth,
A choir of the kind that spring will make,
For its own self-indulgent delinquent sake,
But the cool wind won’t stop blowing just for their singing,
And so the lonely wind chime will not stop ringing,
It rings though the birds and cars are twice as loud,
In a small silvery way it seems proud,
To be heard above that noise,

The imagery here doesn't grab you like in the first verse, but it's still very good by all means. "But the cool wind won't stop blowing just for their singing" seems like a mouthful, only by a syllable or two though.

Quote:

Verse 3:
In the fall when so million colors adorned all the trees,
And the winter came singing on a western breeze,
The voice of the wind-chime was never stilled,
But our ears and hearts were muffled and chilled,
It sang a fierce song of hope that we didn’t hear,
But for a distant remembrance in sunless grey ears,
All the yellow joy of summer passed beyond hope of recall,
We grew claustrophobically trapped by walls,
And waited for spring,

You keep the theme from the other verses going, but make this one sound more personal, great stuff here. The line about being claustraphobic is especially nice.

Quote:

Bridge/Outro:
In spring when the sky bleeds out tears for a rebirth,
And the sun shines warm over a frozen iron earth,
Or all birdsong is drowned out in the cannons of the sky,
The wind chime sends out a song the wind wrote,
Of present melancholy,
But future hope

" the sky bleeds out tears" and "a frozen iron earth" seem like rather strange lines, but everything else is great. The last two lines create a great sense of clousure for the song.

I have to disagree with your first statement, I think this is actually one of your best songs man. And yes, do keep up the excellent writing.